Is the self-help movement missing something?
The self-help movement is going strong as people search for answers to their health challenges, emotional stressors, and mental blocks. Patients are contacting me weekly for consultations, comprehensive lab work, neural therapy, homeopathy, acupuncture, advanced craniosacral therapy as well as the deeper spiritual work they are called to explore. Even during these interesting times of Covid and fear, people are searching for answers, looking for retreats, meditations, embodiment practices, and even plant medicine experiences to elevate their consciousness, become better people, and contribute to the world in a positive way. I’m inspired by your commitment to grow and expand!
But there is a real challenge these seekers face that no one is talking about. And if you’re reading this, it’s likely you’re one of those seekers too. I know first hand about this because I’ve been seeking my entire life. Although my spiritual practices have guided me to seek less and “be” more than “do,” I still catch myself seeking at times. I’ve seen many patients over the years who fall into a trap and I’d like to help you avoid it.
Famous inspirational speakers like Tony Robbins have a true gift for helping you shift your state of consciousness. But this is usually temporary. You may have attended a retreat or read a self-help book that helped you shift your state temporarily. You may have felt invigorated by listening to a podcast and become inspired to make a change in your life. You may have read about “flow states” and tried everything to enter one so you could achieve something. Or, you may have learned a new self-help technique, changed your diet, or attended your first plant medicine ceremony but it often won’t last. The problem is that no one likely helped you integrate the new information and experiences you acquired.
The missing piece: Integration
Integration is key. I’ve sat in many sacred ceremonies, have held space for people looking to make a change in their life, and have guided people to look inside their mind, inside the shadow aspects of themselves to better understand where they may be stuck, projecting onto others, and self-sabotaging. Although “integration” is spoken to in some of those circles, very few people actually understand how to do it.
Integration is a huge part of my own path and for those who work with me.
When I speak of integration, I mean taking an experience, an epiphany, an insight, a new skill, a new awareness about yourself or the world, and integrating it into every aspect of your life. This means your home life, your work life, your relationships, how you think and “be” in the world. When you integrate you become embodied. This means to give a body to the spirit of the work you just did. To receive it fully into your being, so that your cells, relationships, and work vibrate with the new awareness that has dawned. It’s more than just walking your talk, it’s “being” your talk.
For example, I’ve been on a journey of expanding my self-awareness for decades now. When I have a new insight about a behavior or mind-set that may be blocking me from truly thriving, I begin an inquiry to discover where in my life I can detect that pattern. A behavior is informed by a thought, which is motivated by a belief, which was learned, experienced, or imprinted at some time in this life, and even passed down from previous generations. When we can uncover the subtleties of the pattern, it moves from being locked in our unconscious to now becoming conscious in our awareness. And this is the real beginning of change in our body, mind, and life.
Whether you are sitting in a sacred Ayahuasca ceremony, seeing a talk therapist, attending a tantric sacred sexuality retreat, yoga retreat, reading a self-help book, doing shadow work, authentic relating practices like Nonviolent Communication (NVC), body work like acupuncture, breathwork, SomatoEmotional release, psychosomatic therapy, or taking a supplement for your health, there are tips for integrating change that can make a lasting difference.
Tips To Integrate Deep Work:
1. Take time in nature. Nature helps us heal. Pachamama, Gaia, The Earth is mysterious and magical. Scientists have proven that the earth has an electromagnetic field that positively impacts human health. When we can connect with nature around us, our human body shifts and can begin to remember our connection to all of life. Our nervous systems can co-regulate with nature, and downregulate, which means calm down. This is becoming a rarer experience in our busy world and especially during times of isolation and so many tech devices. We need nature and she needs us. There is a way our breathing and heart rate actually change when we are in nature, and this has a therapeutic effect. I’ve found that nature helps us integrate experiences in our lives which can help solidify growth and change.
2. Change up your routine: pattern interrupters. When we are on a path of growth, the same patterns and habits we are growing out of are no longer of highest service to our soul. So changing things up in our daily lives can shake things loose and help us integrate. These changes, when done mindfully, literally shift our neural network in our brains, a necessary part of expanding our awareness and growing. When we implement change, we can do it mindfully, keeping our intention to grow and expand in mind.
Some examples of changes in your routine can be: sleeping on the other side of the bed, brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand, driving a different route to the grocery store or work, updating your wardrobe, or drinking a different tea each morning. It also helps to identify old patterns and shake them up. If you find you are very attached to coffee each morning, then shift it. Rather than coffee, move to a healthier herbal tea. Or if you are a couch potato you may shake it up by beginning a new practice of walking each morning or evening. Find ways in which you can intentionally shake up your routine.
3. Daily practices. It’s important to create a new daily practice for yourself. This new routine, over time, can make a huge difference in how you embody the growth and changes in your life. It needs to be new, so if you always journal, keep doing it, but add something different, that is new. After I’ve had significant healing experiences in a therapy session or self-help retreat, I spend the next 30 days doing a different kind of practice, intending to integrate that experience. It could be journaling, drawing, a new movement practice like yoga, a new exercise routine, meditation practice, prayer ritual, playing a new instrument, singing, or making a nature mandala (go into nature and collect rocks, sticks, leaves, shells, flowers etc., and make a design on the ground in honor of yourself, your growth and nature). The sky is the limit, get creative.
4. Writing practices. I’ve found, for myself and my patients and retreat participants, that writing about the details of your experience can be very beneficial. Let’s say you attended a retreat and had some big insights or powerful spiritual experiences. Write about them. Then continue to journal about your mind chatter, patterns, beliefs, and see what unfolds. Daily journaling is an excellent practice that helps you integrate healing and growth.
5. Forgiveness practices. I’ve noticed that people carry a lot of guilt and shame. At some point, on the path of personal development, you may discover that your actions and words hurt other people. And you have also likely experienced that other people’s actions and words hurt you. Rather than beating yourself or others up about it, consider practicing deep forgiveness. Some patients have asked me, “how?” How can they forgive a relative who sexually abused them and ruined their life? Or how can they forgive their mother for giving them up for adoption? Or how can they forgive their family for …… (fill in the blank).
My tip is to find the gift. It’s often in strange wrapping. We forget that these painful experiences happened for a reason. I believe our soul needed that experience to learn an important lesson that can make us better people, who can then pass on that teaching to others and help them. It doesn’t mean we need to be a formal teacher to do this, rather we can embody the gift, remember gratitude for the things that have happened to us in our life, and share from this place in our hearts. It isn’t always easy, but it’s incredibly rewarding and releases us from the toxic shame, blame, and guilt patterns that can block us from thriving in our lives.
One forgiveness practice I love is from Hawaii, called the ho’oponopono practice. It is the practice of reconciliation. It can be done with the self and with others, internally or externally. It consists of 4 simple statements: I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
6. Artistic creation. Create a piece of art around the experience or life topic you’re working on. Let’s say you’re going through a divorce and you’ve just learned to stop being a victim and accept responsibility for your part of why that relationship didn’t work out. You may be seeing a therapist or have had a profound experience in a self-help group or medicine ceremony. You may consider drawing or painting something that symbolizes your experience. You may make a dream board, a beaded bracelet, a dream catcher out of string and sticks from nature, or color in a mandala coloring book. I remember after a strong breathwork weekend retreat, we colored mandalas and there was something special about the act of coloring that helped integrate that experience more fully. You could also create a song or a poem.
7. Dieta, the Spanish word for diet, is an important factor. What you eat, how you eat, and when you eat all impact how you integrate the work. Keeping a clean diet helps your body and mind function more optimally which balances hormones, brain chemistry, and directly impacts your emotions. Eliminating junk food, processed sugars, high carb foods full of processed salt and fat can make a huge difference. Things like gluten, dairy, and heavy meats can cause your body to be sluggish, have trouble digesting, create congestion in the system and prevent full integration and embodiment. Eating more simply, fresh vegetables, high fiber fruits (like apples), and taking a break from animal products can really help your body. Please read my two part blog on Fasting for some other great suggestions. (Click on the links: Keto And Intermittent Fasting, Part 1: https://kristingraycemcgary.com/keto-and-intermittent-fasting-get-the-facts-part-1/ Keto And Intermittent Fasting, Part 2: https://kristingraycemcgary.com/keto-and-intermittent-fasting-get-the-facts-part-2/ ) Staying hydrated is essential. Most people are dehydrated so please drink more water; spring water is best.
8. Stay connected to a human. If you attended a self-help retreat, pick a buddy and create an agreement to chat once a week to support each other. Talking can be a powerful way to process your experience as you move back into “the real world.” I remember attending a self-help retreat and having a profound spiritual experience. It felt odd returning to my “old life.” I felt like a ghost as I walked through the grocery store isles. No one knew what had just happened and I felt so out of place, like I was such a different person on the inside. It really helped to chat with a few other people who had attended the retreat. They helped me remember my wholeness and validated my profound experience. The changes I made during that retreat needed to be integrated into all the areas of my life and talking to them was an important step. It helped prevent me from slipping back into old habits.
9. Learn something new. If you’re on the self-help path or interested in evolving your consciousness, then you are expanding and growing. By learning something new, you change your brain and open yourself up in a new way. It is quite humbling to be a beginner again. Try picking up a new instrument, learning a new language, singing a new song, or any new skill that will bring you joy. This can help you integrate and grow as a human.
10. Get support. If you feel stuck, scared, lost, unsafe, or unsure after a spiritual experience, self-help workshop, self-development retreat, medicine ceremony, breathwork session etc., then please reach out and get support. Start with the leader of the session you were part of or received. They may or may not be skilled with integration so if you don’t feel “met” by them or they didn’t meet your needs, then don’t give up. I’m also here to support, empower, and guide you. Please email me at clientcare@kristingraycemcgary.com I’m happy to offer you a complimentary 15 min support call.
Things to Avoid
1. Alcohol, cigarettes, and mind-altering substances. Theses help deepen addictive grooves in our brain and often “numb” us out. Integration requires presence so these substances truly go against what we are searching for.
2. Caffeine, especially Coffee. This is a socially acceptable drug that influences our brain chemistry, hormones of stress, your mood, digestion (our second brain), and the function of our liver and kidneys. If you got off of it for your workshop, it’s a great idea to abstain for at least another 30 days, maybe forever. If not, then consider weaning yourself off with green tea and cacao.
3. Pornography. Again, this can impact the pleasure centers in your brain and stimulate other addictive behavior and thought patterns. It may help you numb out and disconnect from what you’re feeling and processing.
4. Junk Food. It’s an act of self love to nourish your beautiful temple with healthy whole foods. The food colorings, processed chemicals, and trans fats bog down your entire system. Addictions flare, your mind may race, and you’re back in the same darn patterns.
5. Making major life decisions. After an “awakening”, epiphany, or retreat, you may want to make a few changes in your life. This is great and just sit with it for 30 days before you make any moves. You may want to sell your house, get a divorce, shift your career. And these may truly be in your highest good, however, hold off for 30 days and sit with all of the nuances of discomfort, information, and teachings that have come through before you announce and act on any major life decisions. (of course this does not include an abusive relationship, get out right away and get support).
6. Avoid Social Media. Scrolling on social media can be mind numbing. We are looking for a dopamine fix, to feel connected, and it can really stimulate old patterns and counter our integration efforts. Turn it off. Don’t sleep with devices in your bedroom.
7. Stop gossiping about nitpicky details of your retreat or event or fellow attendee. Sometimes, after a big shift has occurred, we revert back to projecting things outside of ourselves. Rather than bringing our focus inside, we will nitpick silly details about the event or venue we just attended or a person there. This causes us to stay disconnected from deeper feelings and processing, often so younger parts of ourselves feel validated. Catch yourself being a negative ninny and nip that habit right away. Identify what age is the part of you longing to be seen or heard and begin parenting this part. Reach out for more support if this interests you.
In closing…
Integration is an important piece of embodiment. Just experiencing an insight or shifting something in your mind doesn’t mean it will integrate into the other aspects of your life. I’ve had some powerful advanced craniosacral therapy sessions where my body released some very old trauma, but the work didn’t stop there. I needed to integrate it into my life. If you’ve wondered why some of the things you try don’t really stick, consider implementing my suggestions above and keep me posted.
Blessings of Vibrant Health,
Kristin Grayce
Holistic Healthcare/Soulcare Provider
LAc, MAc, CFMP, CST-T, CLP
Health & Lifestyle Alchemist